We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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