i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize