I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
