A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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