I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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