Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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