They should really pass out barf bags in church
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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