i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
