Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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