I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We left the knife in your bed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
