There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
