Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If its not for food we ain't going out.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize