if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
