I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
