Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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