I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
