All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
