Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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