what day is it and did you see me today?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The air taste purple.
Randomize
