i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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