I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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