The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
