I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
