who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am one with the molecules
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
