Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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