I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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