Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
