ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
