This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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