So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
