At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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