I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
