College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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