You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
