Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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