made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
