Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
