you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
