he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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