We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
