i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
