how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
