he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize