i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
