I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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