I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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