I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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