i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
