You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Enjoy the penises
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
