you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
