a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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