I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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