using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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