Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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