Welp...herpes.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
