Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
