No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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