im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Let's get the cat blown out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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