4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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