Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
