i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
