I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Randomize
