I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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