I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
