Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
