no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
