I faked an abortion last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
