hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
