I want to make a zoo with you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
