and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
