I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
