I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
