What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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