I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
