Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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