I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
