so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
