I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Are we still banned from the library?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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