I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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