I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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