i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm really busy with my period
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