I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
