I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize