If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
