You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
