who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize