Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
